IT’S Good Friday tomorrow and hopefully you’ll find a chance to have some time off to reflect with family and friends.
With so much focus on chocolate and treats, the Ringer couldn’t help wonder: What if the Easter Bunny became lactose intolerant, just to suit the crowd?
With that in mind, here’s a poem to read… or you can just watch the video below.
Happy Easter.
* * *
He scratched his snow-white cotton tail,
He was feeling pretty rough,
The Easter Bunny we're talking of,
Had frankly, had enough.
* * *
He'd just finished the paper,
The world had got so strange.
He shook his head, then stood abrupt;
"It's time to make a change."
* * *
"I'm sick of all the hipsters,”
"And the phrases they're all coin'n.”
"If I can't beat the masses then,"
"As sure as eggs – I'll join 'em."
* * *
From that point on he ceased his trade,
Not another dollar spent.
The Easter Bunny self-diagnosed,
As lactose intolerant.
* * *
"A business model change," he said,
With condescending laughter.
"All these dietary requirements,"
"I'll give them what they're after."
* * *
And so the kids all woke that year,
They're little faces pale,
Beneath the coloured foil revealed,
An egg made out of kale.
* * *
The Easter Bunny catered to,
Millennials with bravado,
At one point simply wrapping up,
An unripe avocado.
* * *
Some eggs that looked like chocolate,
Came off the packing line.
But the camel-soy-milk combo,
Tasted much like turpentine.
* * *
Crowds abandoned Easter hunts,
The parents saved their legs.
After all, who wants to find,
Kombucha-flavoured eggs?
* * *
Another cunning offering,
From the pink, big-eared hyena,
A crusty whole-wheat stone-baked egg,
That was filled with spirulina.
* * *
Brown paper soon took over foil,
An organic first impression,
Then packaged all in pure unbleached,
Cream calico or hessian.
* * *
Each egg then had a story,
Justifying moneys paid,
Of where it's from and how it grew,
And the sustainable changes made.
* * *
"This nurtured egg was brought to you,"
"By ethically grown means,"
"And double filtered, triple brewed,"
"From pure Arabica beans."
* * *
While super-foodies all rejoiced,
And gladly forked out money,
Most of the world then pulled up stumps,
And abandoned the vegan bunny.
* * *
Easter had an overhaul,
Refocused on the whole,
And people got more healthier,
In body and in soul.
* * *
The eggs and all the trimmings,
Were seen as simply dross,
It got back to a tomb and life,
And a Saviour on a cross.
* * *
The Easter Bunny's still around,
I heard he joined a gym,
Does yoga, bought a Nutra-Bullet,
Grew a beard and got quite slim.
* * *
Despite him chugging spinach smoothies,
Like a man possessed,
He might squeeze in his skinny jeans,
But he's really quite depressed.
* * *
If only he'd embraced it more,
I'm sure without a doubt,
He'd have seen that chocolate's just part of,
What Easter's all about.
* * *
So go on – have a choccy egg,
Don't let the season fall.
Have a very happy Easter,
To the hipster kids and all.
* * *
