Episode three of Farmer Wants A Wife dropped on Tuesday night, so please allow me to set the scene.
There were more meals of wine, a mad dash to the emergency department, one farmer got his yabby out, and one bunch of unsuspecting contestants were put to the ultimate "teste".
Unfortunately, Sam Farmitage is nowhere to be found in this particular ep.
We start with the usual recaps from the previous episode.
Then we quickly cut to carloads of lads and ladies bumping their way into the properties, ready to interrogate the lucky contestant who was permitted to arrive at the farm a full day before the unlucky others.
Over at Farmer Ben's place at Wingham, vet nurse Lauren says, "24 hours is huge"....which is true for cicadas.
Farmers walk across paddocks in slow motion to melodic tunes, and Farmer Benjamin (Costa) pats his dog affectionately/enthusiastically.
If experience has taught me one thing, it's that he should just stick with the sole company of his dog rather than invite these intruders into the fold.
We head into the various homesteads, where the lovebirds are mooching around bleary-eyed, looking for coffee.
Meanwhile, the farmers' parents have been shuffled off into a cramped study where the cameras won't catch a glimpse of them.
Over at Costa's place, music teacher Lindsay, 36, has a clear head start on her competitors.
She reassures us that her age is not worrying her. It makes me feel about 1000 years old.
Costa tells us, "we kissed, and I liked it".
Thank you for the update, Costa. Now tell that to the latest arrivals would you for our viewing pleasure.
Farmer Harry and student pilot Gabrielle have a riveting conversation over pancakes at his Kyabram property.
"Stuff to do," he offers.
"Cows to milk," she replies.
A few of the would-be wives whine about having to share their farmer.
Lindsay tells us it's "unnatural to share someone", and Costa looks like he doesn't 100 per cent agree.
The newbies are given tours of the houses, and properties, to take in "the green vistas", as Costa put it.
It's blowing a gale up on a bit of a hill at his place at Guyra; the ladies are rugged up and trying to hold their hats on, but they insist on telling us it's very calming.
Farmer Harry, who tells us his favourite job on the farm is feeding calves, which are words NEVER uttered by a dairy farmer, drags his ladies into what is arguably the cleanest dairy I have ever seen for some cups on, cups off training.
Ski lift operator Isabella proves she's a wiz.
She tells Haz, she's "met some dumb people in her life" as she casts her eyes over to the student pilot.
Read more: FWFWW Blog 1: Getting to know our farmers
Meanwhile, over at Cassilis, Farmer Paige's fellas are directed to give the rams a pre-joining once over by examining their testicles.
Ironically, the "handyman" Marty gets in there first. He assures us the ram "is definitely good to go" before making an unnecessary comparison to his own set.
We jump back in the Toyota and zoom over to Farmer Will's place at Berriwillock.
And in scenes we have seen plenty of before, he pulls up with the ladies at a watering hole (dirty dam), where he quickly strips off.
The ladies swoon over his exposed bod and act surprised that he invited them in before all undressing to reveal they already had swimmers/dental floss on and jump in.
It is at this point that Farmer Will frightens them with his yabby.
Perhaps not technically his yabby, but a yabby he had caught in a net.
There's more of the same. Will splashes them, and the ladies squeal.
It's dark now, and the farmers are prepping for dinner with specific cooking notes left by their mothers before they were again ushered into a back room.
Over at Farmer Ben's Baby Animal Farm (I have not seen a single mature animal yet), he dishes out the meals, asking his now perfectly healthy ladies to "please tell me if your chicken isn't cooked"...um sure, Ben, they will phone you from ER in the morning once they've succumbed to salmonella poisoning.
Back to Cassilis, and poor old Paige can't take a trick.
Carpenter Dylan thinks she looks a bit of alright in her dinner dress and ominously declares, "I think she might have blown a few boys away tonight".
Unfortunately, she blew one right away.
Handyman Marty leaves the following day with an unexplained medical emergency.
Maybe he had some of Ben's chicken?
He phones to say he's going to be in the hospital "for a little bit", which translates to FOREVER.
And just like that, Paige is down to three fellas.
The next day the Farmers all go on an intimate three-way date with the camera crew in toe.
This date is designed to help the farmers decide who to send packing, which isn't easy for the farmers. By this point, they've told us 500 times already how hard the whole process is.
Some go fencing, others go for a bush walk, and some yard sheep and cattle, while there's plenty of sitting on logs and driving heavy machinery (Sam would be proud).
We hear the words like love, connection, nervous, and adventure.....you get the picture.
They then sit down for awkward dinners at their various properties, setting the scene for the next draft.
To cut a long story short, Costa sends home interior designer Courtney, Farmer Will sends maritime personnel operator Sahara packing, Farmer Ben breaks the bad news to recruitment consultant Renee, while Farmer Harry loads artist Elise into the Toyota.
Worst. Dinner. Ever.
Paige didn't have to worry about the elimination. She's almost out of carrots.
The farmers and their remaining hopefuls plonk themselves back down and get stuck into another meal of wine.
Linking up
STEADY on there. Some of these romantics are running headlong into big decisions like a freshly washed dog into a stagnant dam. That aside, it'll all come down to forming a connection. All indicators present suggest most of the contenders will use the catchphrase to describe their progress so far. Lay it down.
