Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives Blog 2: Crazy dancing and a whole lot of candles in jars

And candles in jars.

Farmer Costa...sorry, Benjamin gets rolling on the speed dates.

He has taken to it like a duck to water, just short of introducing each lady with: "Please welcome my next guest...", such is his confident communication as he conducts stylish chats with smooth dialogue, and some woeful dancing.

Regardless of the wife aspect, he's a shoe-in to get his own show, or host a segment on Better Homes or Gardens.

After Farmer Benjamin is taken off to receive treatment for two dislocated ankles, we move to Farmer Paige's group.

Some background footage shows Paige tearing around a paddock on that most classic of farm bikes, the Honda CT110, more commonly known as a postie scooter.

She's more at home on a horse as we'll see later but she sure knows how to keep up with the flock, and probably deliver sign-on-delivery parcels if need be.

It's not clear when exactly this was filmed but one suspects the potential husbands may have all just been released from COVID lockdown as none seem to have had access to a razor.

There's plenty of corrugated iron in the background and hay bales to sit on. Paige forgets Dylan's name, one bloke's wearing a shirt made from a nineties tablecloth, and she flags concern at Marty's gambling habit, although surely that'd be forgiven with his dry humour no doubt winning over viewers.

His re-entry to the waiting group of husbands with a casual: "Youse (sic) can all go home now" is just spun gold.

JUST in time to help grease the wheels of romance, love counselor (not an official title... perhaps quite like "farmer") Sam Farmatage suddenly appears, sporting something from Dr Strange's vast collection of artifacts from the mystic arts.

She informs both groups they'll be having respective group dinners.

The inter-dimensional powers given by wearing a belt housing the Eye of Agamotto (hyper-nerd reference there sorry) would explain why she is able to flit between locations quickly in the same outfit.

AROUND an ornately decorated table, Farmer Benjamin and his ladies dine the night away, with wine, wine and wine.

The phrase "heart palpitations" crops up a bit in this episode which this writer wonders is more to do with the alcohol consumption than feelings of intimacy.

He does an impression of his grandfather before tapping into his disco/DJ knowledge and channeling Roxette for advice.

Initially this could have meant he was about to get dressed for success in order to build a big, big love, before saying to one of the girls, hello, you fool, I love you, but rather than joining the joyride, he settles to listen to his heart.

Meanwhile at Postie Paige's dinner, Spiros sinks his chances (even more than donning that golf jacket) by stating: "I think I don't have kids."

That's a deal breaker right there. And also the jacket- the jacket was probably a deal breaker before his declaration.

UNRELATED to romance but as part of the viewing pleasure during the ad breaks we find an Australian version of Kitchen Nightmares is coming with Irish chef Colin Fassnidge doing his best Gordon Ramsay impression, while FWAW viewers can win a Fantastic Furniture voucher.

It would come as no surprise if the business provided the white wicker lounge on which Farmer Benjamin hosted his "In Guyra Tonight" talk show earlier in the piece, in between fronting Gardening Australia, of course.

FWAW is also sponsored by Toyota. This is reinforced with some great shots of Landcruisers taking the farmers and their prospective spouses to where they've got to go.

BACK in the Barrel Room, which sort of looks like an underground junction in the Shire, ready at any moment for a series of Hobbits to trundle out of the barrels behind them, Nat "Nat" Gruzlewskizlewiwikssiekewsi continues to host with an ease and class that is a rarity within reality television.

Postie Paige and Farmer Benjamin Georgiadis are able to choose who to take back to the farm.

Farmer Benjamin's as excited as the late Big Kev talking about his cleaning products. He compliments the ladies by saying they are "all so groovy" and rates them 16 out of 10, which does nothing for his credibility among any maths teachers.

The very selective Postie Paige only invites four lads back to the farm.

With this done, all five farmers are told they can choose a person for a 24-hour date prior to the other contenders turning up.

It would have been great if Postie Paige actually turned and chose one of her fellow farmers but that would have made too much sense and not interesting enough television.

The breakdown of who gets the extra 24-hour date is:

THROUGH constantly moving shots - zooming, panning, scrolling, hovering - we are privy to the 24-hour dates.

Farmer Ben goes for a home cooked meal for Leish then they go for a pash-up on the lounge, among a few hundred candles in jars, the light of which glints off his significant gold watch. Grain and sheep prices have obviously been up of late.

Farmer Paige's plan hits a hiccup when Dylan calls in sick. So that loose hinge on the kitchen cabinet isn't going to get fixed this time around.

Glen then steps in as the back-up, although she reassures him he shouldn't feel like he was her second choice. Even though he was. He was her second choice. Number two. Not the first. The second. The one after her first pick, Dylan.

They have a picnic on a rocky outcrop with a spectacular view. By rocky outcrop, we are talking a surface that makes Mount Doom look like a garden path. It seems about as comfortable as a vegan at steak night.

They get there by horseback and Dylan admits it's his first time on a "real horse". Obviously all that time spent on virtual/fake horses or carousels has served him well as he takes to it with ease.

He admits his goal is to have his own farm. One can read the words "prenuptial agreement" quickly flash across Paige's eyes.

On the way back to his farm, Farmer Will informs Alicia what a goanna is, before they both climb aboard the Yamaha Ag 200F bike and belt around the paddock for a bit.

He then gets to work lighting approximately nine trillion candles in jars, placing them carefully throughout the old, lanolin-soaked dried timber shearing shed, which seems sensible enough.

The act is not lost on Farmer Will who says they are getting on like a house on fire, which he hopes isn't a metaphor for the shed.

Farmer Harry, who it seems has just started on solids, lets Gabrielle hand feed some poddy calves in her white Converse shoes. Chuck Taylor would be proud.

He lets on that he loves the sound of cows eating grass. Yep.

OTHER FWFWW BLOGS...

They eat Chinese in the back of a ute in a hay shed. Clever Harry (who is allergic to cow hair so it's a good thing he milks them and doesn't lick them) points out that both big cities and country towns have Chinese restaurants so it's a safe bet for dinner.

The jovial atmosphere sort of turns ironically dark when Gabrielle says her dad went out to get milk when she was one and still hasn't come back.

It takes all of Harry's might not to inquire: "Full cream or skim?"

Farmer Benjamin gives Lyndsay a treasure hunt of sorts. It starts off in the daylight but then takes her through to the night, which gives ample opportunity to show off the ability of the Landcruiser 70 Series' all weather halogen headlamps, standard on the GXL Single-Cab, Double-Cab Cab-Chassis, Wagon and the Troop Carrier models.

When she eventually finds him, they have dinner and talk about children. Should they end up married and have offspring, it's pretty clear those kids are going to have hair like steel wool should the respective genes intertwine.

They take the risk and kiss. Thankfully, they are far enough away from the jars of candles that their entangled hair doesn't ignite.

DON'T be lulled into thinking these rural romeos (and Paigey) have stitched up their preferences. There's still a long way to cover in this race. Keep an eye on those quiet outsiders who haven't had much of the spotlight yet. They could make a solid run up the inside. Now lay it down.